Nobody Tells You About the Silence
Nobody tells you about the silence.
They say, you must be so proud. They suggest you stay busy to pass the time. But when they tell you no news is good news like that is supposed to land as comfort and not send you straight to the bathroom to breathe into a bag for a minute - ugh.
"No News Is Good News"
No news is good news.
I’ve said that to myself a bajillion times – first, during bootcamp, then during her first deployment. I wrote it on a sticky note. I said it out loud to anyone that asked. I repeated it to myself in the car, in the grocery store, at 2am when the house was quiet and my brain was not.
And here is the honest truth: I never fully believed it. Not really. What I believed was that I had no control over any of this, and that the silence was just the shape that took.
Learning to Live Inside the Silence
So I learned to live inside it.
I kept moving. Not because I was okay — but because moving was the only thing that helped. I cleaned things that did not need cleaning. I started the brand. I answered messages from other moms at midnight because being useful to someone else was the only thing that quieted the noise in my own head.
Wearing Red Every Friday
I wore red on Fridays. Every. Single. Friday. Not because anyone asked me to — because it was the one thing I could do. The one small act that said I remember. I am here. I am not pretending this is a regular day.
If You're Living Through Deployment Right Now
If you are in a deployment era right now and someone has told you no news is good news and you smiled and nodded and then went home and fell apart — I see you. That phrase is true and it is also one of the hardest things to hold onto when the person you love is far away and the phone is quiet.
You are not weak for struggling with the silence. You are human. The silence is,was,will never be easy.
Keep going anyway.