I Almost Moved Her Seat
I almost moved her seat.
The Thanksgiving before her first deployment ended, we set the table the way we always set it. And then I stood there looking at her chair and thought about just tucking it in. Putting it away. Not having to look at it all through dinner.
I didn't. I left it there.
I don't know why exactly. It felt important to leave it. Like moving it would mean something I wasn't ready to mean. So we ate Thanksgiving dinner with an empty chair at the table and nobody said anything about it and we all knew exactly what everyone else was thinking the entire time.
The Hardest Holiday as a Military Mom
That was the hardest holiday I have had as a parent. Harder than I expected. Harder than I think I let myself show.
Because here is what nobody prepares you for about the holidays when your kid is deployed: it is not just that they are missing. It is that everything else keeps going. The food still gets made. The family still shows up. The traditions still happen. And you are supposed to just — participate in all of it with this gaping thing right in the middle of the table that everyone is carefully not talking about.
Getting Through the Holidays One Hour at a Time
I got through it the same way I got through the silence that whole deployment. One hour at a time. One dish at a time. One conversation at a time.
Why I Wore My Proud Navy Mom Shirt
And I wore my Proud Navy Mom shirt to the grocery store that week. Every single errand. Because I needed people to see it. I needed someone to ask. I needed to say her name out loud to a stranger in the produce section and have them stop and say thank you and mean it.
It helped more than I can explain.
If You Have an Empty Chair This Holiday
If you have an empty chair coming up — I am sorry. I know what that looks like. Leave it out. Say their name. Wear the shirt.
She is still at the table. She just cannot be there yet.